Why I Love This Movie: Part 1, Conan The Barbarian

This is the first part of what I intend to be a continuing element of this blog. I’m going to focus on a movie I love and discuss why I love it. If anyone wants to comment on something I say, I would like that. What I don’t want is someone telling me I’m an idiot for liking some movie that they hate. Or someone going, “You actually like that?” I obviously do. Read on and you will find out why. Really, whether you comment or not, I don’t want anyone thinking those things. If you are, go read a blog somewhere else.

The first movie we will be focusing on is 1981’s Conan the Barbarian. This version of Robert E. Howard’s classic sword and sorcery stories is played by Arnold Schwarzenegger and directed by John Milius. Now, let me begin by saying that I know this is not a wonderful movie. This movie did not win any awards, and it didn’t deserve any awards either. But I still love it. It was produced by Dino De Laurentiis. I don’t if any one is familiar with this man, but he also fronted the money for Barbarella and David Lynch’s Dune. I also love these movies. I recommend them. But they were not award winners either. Dune was pretty revolutionary in terms of effects, but the other aspects of the movie leave a little to be desired. Conan is the same way. Using 1981 special effects and Arnold’s accent, Milius attempted to bring the Hyborian Age to life. And I salute him. It is nothing like the Hyborian Age I imagine when reading the original stories, but he quite obviously did make his version.

Reason number one for why I love this movie is how epic it is. I really do feel like I am watching the characters go all over this imaginary world or the forgotten past. There are several distinct cultures that shown. Several distinct cities and religions are shown. They did a pretty good job of bringing a world to life.

Reason number two is James Earl Jones. James Earl Jones with long straight hair. James Earl Jones who turns into a snake. He is one of the most bizarre parts of the movie. He is supposed to look like someone who is not a part of any of the races that are now present on the earth. And he does. They did an excellent job of that. He is the perfect ultimate bad guy. He is ultimate evil in this movie. That’s important. The bad guy is a very important part of movies for me. And this one works.

Reason number three is Mako. Mako is an actor with only one name, if we are judging by Cool Runnings this is a good thing because Leon was awesome in that. Mako is not quite as good of actor as Leon is, which is actually debatable if you’ve seen The Five Heartbeats. But despite his lack of acting ability, Mako is perfect as the wizard Conan meets in the desert. Everything he says is entertaining. Sometimes it is entertaining because it works well in the movie, other times it is just funny. But I always love him.

There are a number of other reasons I love Conan. Max Von Sydow as the king. The architecture of the snake temple. The small references to things from the original stories that fans would pick up on. I even love Arnold in this movie.

But I think the real reason is I love almost anything that is about earth’s past before recorded history. Even when its totally unbelievable, like this movie, I am totally fascinated by it.
This is a fun movie. If you don’t like because you think it’s not believable or Arnold’s a terrible actor, then just get over yourself and enjoy it. It’s fun. You know it is.

As a side note, we have this movie to thank for He-Man. The He-Man toys were originally supposed to be for Conan, but it was deemed too violent to have kids toys so they had to slightly alter the toys and come up with a new story for them. So I will always love Conan simply for bringing He-Man into existence. I love He-Man.